tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post3059230290248151940..comments2024-03-27T17:20:17.463-04:00Comments on The Gnostic World Of Candy Minx: Octuplet Mum Round Two: "Selfishly Delusional"Candy Minxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07350752657678863378noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-47288964128712341002009-03-07T19:30:00.000-05:002009-03-07T19:30:00.000-05:00"...it it important to tell someone what we believ..."...it it important to tell someone what we believe and not let some behaviour be unacknowledged."<BR/>So true. I have trouble with conflict, and even tho' I get the shakes, I still try to do what I can, esp. when it comes to kids. Some folks think the law of the jungle should apply when it comes to kids, but I don't think most adults would tolerate having to go into work and be bullied the way some kids are forced to do in school. I admire you more; will keep reading your blog.<BR/>Best,<BR/>Margaret/P.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-45222939808616684742009-02-28T13:58:00.000-05:002009-02-28T13:58:00.000-05:00Margeret, I don't term confronting bullshit as "en...Margeret, I don't term confronting bullshit as "engaging". I understand there is an idea that "not engaging" is somehow ending a behaviour...but I am not sure I always agre with this idea of "not engaging". I think sometimes, as uncomfortable as it might be, it is important to tell someone what we believe and not let some behaviour be unacknowledged. If I didn't confront the principal and parents about the bullies...I believe that condones the behaviour in schools.Candy Minxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07350752657678863378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-31055327991884868632009-02-26T13:48:00.000-05:002009-02-26T13:48:00.000-05:00Candy, You are bad to the bone. That you actually ...Candy, <BR/>You are bad to the bone. That you actually engaged with these people when you were raising your daughter is mind-blowing. As I always do, I would have totally internalized the meanness and been a basket case. What's the secret? I could still use some moxie dealing w/ mean people. <BR/>xo<BR/>Margaret/PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-82581220608996992862009-02-26T13:24:00.000-05:002009-02-26T13:24:00.000-05:00Tweetey, I am with you...I'm sure this mother, Nad...Tweetey, I am with you...I'm sure this mother, Nadya has gone "overboard". Iget that. <BR/><BR/>My interestin the story isn't about my moral high ground and how much better I am at making decisions. The mothers perspective is the least interesting for me...I have compassion for her, for the children...but I am much more curious about the double standard.<BR/><BR/>I'll repeat, Steven Speilberg has more kids than Angelina Jolie. But he s not the butt of jokes.<BR/><BR/>There ar e many many families who go online and ask for finacial help with their families.<BR/><BR/>There are many families with multiple births, with lots of kids. Some f them have tv contracts. Like Jon and Kate Plus 8, and the Duggler family...who have more children than Nadya Suleman. They have 17 kids and ot one is sending them death threats.<BR/><BR/>Janet, I have no argument with your views. I agree that it is very difficult to understand why a person would choose to have so many children, with so little opportunity for income. I get that totally. I don't feel the same exact way, but I understand your feelings. I tend to think that the fertility doctor should be giving this woman child support. I won't be surprised if it doesn't come to that...<BR/><BR/>Janet, I think we are witnessing a social event as interesting as the first "test tube" baby a few decades ago. We are seeing a public reaction to the power of women, to fertility issues and challenges and a re-visit...to the welfare system. <BR/><BR/>I have a different take...I REALLY WANT THIS FAMILY TO HAVE SOME WELFARE?SOCIAL ASSISTANCE!!!!<BR/><BR/>You know whay? Because that way, social workers will be a support and eye for us. They will help support some of the caregiving, nutrition and childrearing techniques that are happening in the futre. Social assistance is actually not just about money...it is a way to oversee the mental and physical health of a family. We SHOULD be concerned about what goes on in these big families...in a proactive positive way...not by death threats.<BR/><BR/>I want a government agency t send nurses and doctors and social workers into Nadya Sulemans house...and when we give a bit of financial assistance it comes with a monitoring aspect.<BR/><BR/>I hope she gets a reality show too...because that would reassure us that the babies and children are safe and in a loving home.<BR/><BR/>I have researched a fair bit into the welfare system and the stats on how many people abuse the system. There really aren't that many people who abuse the welfare system. I'm not saying that Nadya isn't one of the people taking advantage of it...but it might reassure you to know that MOST people getting federal social assistance are desperate and not taking advantage. Also, having interviewed and worked with people on the system...many of them have high idealistic wishes to be working or not getting social assistance. Many feel trapped or helpless, by metal health issues, physical or social problems and are dependant...despite wanting to make a living and work.<BR/><BR/>Wandering Coyote...I missed it, but am trying to find today's episode...and am looking throhg YouTube. What I've seen on YouTube so far is very interesting!<BR/><BR/>Margeret, great thoughts. Yes, I think most parents have moments where an outsider might not agree with their choices. I wasn't completely "out of it" when I slept in the park with my daughter in the stroller...she was safe, I was blocking her......but comparing it to parks and cities today...to comparing it to todays morals and crime...well in retrospect, it seems lke a risky decision. I canimagine peopel judging the act.<BR/><BR/>But as far as suffering as a single parent, you know me better than that. :)<BR/><BR/>I don't mind telling you I was a bad ass. I wasn't shy about "opening dialogue" with the parents of the abusive bullies, or with the school board or with the principal etc. They didn't know what hit them. I was the Laura Kroft of single mums, I was Uma Thruman in "Kill Bill". ( a brilliant movie about a soon-to-be single mum)<BR/><BR/>I think your intuition about one of Nadya Suleman's children someday being a care-giver is fascinating. Yes, karma has a funny way of working itself out doesn't it? Or what if one of her children found a cure for cancer...or was just a good kind hearted human? I guess we'll see,<BR/><BR/>I suspect people will rally and donate a house, or some finances. I think it would be very healthy for the children...and for us to study the ethics of fertility assistance and contemporary culture.<BR/><BR/>This woman is no more selfish than anyone who drives a car...or buys a loaf of bread.<BR/><BR/>Which is to say...and to repeat...we aare almost 99 percent a selfish animal. <BR/><BR/>All of us.Candy Minxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07350752657678863378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-58378664734427134872009-02-26T12:37:00.000-05:002009-02-26T12:37:00.000-05:00Omg, I can't stop. Forgot one other thing about Na...Omg, I can't stop. Forgot one other thing about Nadya's alleged "addiction" to having children. It is a very heady experience to bring a child into the world. I remember wanting more, and still sometimes get pangs of regret that I didn't,still have dreams that I'm pregnant. I don't know if it's the hormones or the strong spiriutal urge, probably more so in women, to nurture. But, hey, didn't Gwyneth Paltrow say that she is "addicted" to children. Of course, reason prevails, as it didn't apparently with Nadya, but just saying it's a very powerful thing. Also, I used to be a social worker, and many times young girls with no economic prospects find meaning in life from having a child. I know it's not good, but what I'm saying is it's a real and strong urge and it's going to keep happening, so we have to try to address the poverty and mental illness and the roots of the sometimes shaky nurturing some of these young girls experience. Ok. Bye for now.<BR/>xo<BR/>Margaret/P.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-20199718151778793652009-02-26T12:25:00.000-05:002009-02-26T12:25:00.000-05:00Dear Candy,My comment yesterday said that first of...Dear Candy,<BR/>My comment yesterday said that first of all, I am so, so sorry you had to experience such hatred and hypocrisy when you were a young mother. To make a child cry like that and hurt her mom is unconscionable. <BR/>Then, re: Nadya S., when I heard the story unfold and she was getting so much heat, as always, I tune out the hate-ons. That kind of anger says more about the hater. I did see her dad call for compassion and help for the children and for her. The kids are here, he said, and they're precious. Right on, Dad. Re: the potential to have so many kids at once with new fertility treatments, I don't know much about the science, but I do think we need to take a look at these multiple births because it makes things very high risk for both the mother and the infants.<BR/>I also agree that a lot of the criticism of people like Nadya and Britney Spears has sexist and classist roots. With Britney, like other people, I was thinking that she was another overindulged celebrity and that she was endangering her children. When she spun out of control, I felt compassion, and was glad she got help. I was also glad the boys got the care they needed, but I bet they missed her. It was sad.<BR/>Finally, it's not easy being a mom! I don't have to tell you, dear heart, who did it on your own. When I see an obviously embarrassed mom in the market with a screaming kid, I try to offer help or a comforting comment. Instead of judging,I wish folks would offer help! You are brave to admit to an "iffy" safety situation with your daughter. I have a couple I'm not brave enuf to tell, where my son was somewhat safe but unattended. Everything ok, but, yeah, I've been there. Mothering for me was wonderful and a blessing but also anxiety-provoking and, in this day and age with the 'burbs pretty empty of kids and dogs runnin' around like they used to, pretty lonely at times. I'm less tightly wound now. Of course they're older, but a book that talked about being a "good enough" mother helped me.<BR/>Also, re: big families, they can be wonderful, but I think it takes special parents to raise large broods. I am one of six and, bless my parents' hearts, I don't think some of us got the attention we needed. It's just a huge amount of work! If we had a more communal society, it would work, but it's too much for even two parents working to raise them.<BR/>Well, I've gone on too long, but children are precious and need nurturing and help and guidance from all of us. Who knows, one of Nadya Suleman's children might be taking care of us when we're curled up in a fetal ball as old people-as helpless as those babies are now. It's all karmic...<BR/>Love and hugs to you, Candy.<BR/>Margaret/P.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-43497651363675104462009-02-25T20:59:00.000-05:002009-02-25T20:59:00.000-05:00Nadia was on Dr. Phil today and will be on again t...Nadia was on Dr. Phil today and will be on again tomorrow, FYI.Wandering Coyotehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01478039463695542535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-43512744815039112652009-02-25T20:30:00.000-05:002009-02-25T20:30:00.000-05:00Oh, Candy,I just wrote the longest comment, and I ...Oh, Candy,<BR/>I just wrote the longest comment, and I think it got lost. Will see if I can re-create it tomorrow when I have time.<BR/>Margaret/P.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-32064536296802266432009-02-25T11:17:00.000-05:002009-02-25T11:17:00.000-05:00I think that social assistance is a great idea...I...I think that social assistance is a great idea...I think abuse of that system is the greatest problem it faces. When you know you can't provide for yourself, never mind a child, but you chose to bring a child (or two or three or 14) into this world and expect help? C'mon...that's just crap!Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09504992439212714138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-61326538206914798362009-02-25T06:29:00.000-05:002009-02-25T06:29:00.000-05:00I dont know if she deserves all 14 children or not...I dont know if she deserves all 14 children or not. I have a hard time with two sometimes and its the spending time with each or else. they each need there own individual attention. Its hard to say one thing and do another. Esp with that many kids. I mean my exboyfriend right before Jeff, his parents had 10 kids. I dont know how they managed it but they did. There was 5 years between the youngest of the oldest 5 and the oldest of the youngest 5. If that made any sense at all. But again fertility drugs werent used in this case.. I dont know what to say really. I know what you mean we should support her now that she has them but are they healthy. How much medical care are they going to need?? They were premies if I remember right?? Sure life takes us in different directions and such but 14 kids.. I think that is going a little over board to be honest with you.tweetey30https://www.blogger.com/profile/04780963604845788306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-5007761119636073172009-02-24T20:14:00.000-05:002009-02-24T20:14:00.000-05:00Hey Wandering Coyote, don't sweat it. It's not as ...Hey Wandering Coyote, don't sweat it. It's not as if Stagg agrees with my perspective on this one. He also tends to think the reality tv show families with tons of kids are weird or obsessed too.<BR/><BR/>Janet, I totally understand why people feel concern over how someone on welfare spends their money. I mean I'm a taxpayer too. But...what if I tried to apply my economics to people on welfare? I would outlaw anyone on welfare buying flour, bread, or noodles. They are unhealthy processed foods...in fact, no one on welfare should spend my taxpayer dollars on bread or noodles. <BR/><BR/>I would rather someone on welfare have baby than buy bread or noodles. Or drive a car. I'm dead serious...but...<BR/><BR/>Well, you guys would think I was ridiculous. I believe that spending money on bread and noodles is a complete waste of money...but I still don't get to tell people on welfare how to spend their money.<BR/><BR/>If we plan social assistance do we really believe our charity is a licence to legislate behaviour of the peopl e we help?<BR/><BR/>No...I know we can't really believe it if we word it such?<BR/><BR/>I'm not saying this Nadya mother of so many children is a hero, or responsible. I think it's highly likely she is selfishly delusional...but so is everyone who drives a car. I think maybe she has gotten out of hand...but it's done. Why not use the energy for donations and gencouraging her to take family counceling and budgeting...etc etc...<BR/><BR/>She isn't harming the world any worse than someone driving a car or buying a loaf of bread.<BR/><BR/>Why should one person be allowed to make a mistake and not this woman?<BR/><BR/>America loves a witch hunt...see Salem!Candy Minxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07350752657678863378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-26948386180554677752009-02-24T19:52:00.000-05:002009-02-24T19:52:00.000-05:00You know...I just posted a bit about conspicuous c...You know...I just posted a bit about conspicuous consumption. I guess the thing that bothers me about this is she didn't HAVE to get pregnant, in fact, went out of her WAY to get pregnant...and if she's on welfare, how the hell did she pay the doctor? I mean...c'mon. Why should I, as a taxpayer with no children of my own, be forced to pay for someone who knowingly got pregnant and didn't have the money to take care of the babies? She needs to be responsible for herself.Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09504992439212714138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23226602.post-15361960499130990892009-02-24T17:17:00.000-05:002009-02-24T17:17:00.000-05:00OK, I'm just going to stay out of this one this ti...OK, I'm just going to stay out of this one this time!Wandering Coyotehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01478039463695542535noreply@blogger.com