Superstar/Supermodel, R.I.P.

 Gender really doesn't have anything to do with love and who we love. I loved this man like a brother and as if I was in love with him.  He really is in so many ways a twin to me. I first really got to know Chris when he was a customer at Joy Bistro on Queen Street East and I was working there. He came in at least two or three times a week to eat breakfast and quite often a weekend brunch after the rush and before he went to work. We would chat and usually talk about whatever he was reading at the table. He  was working at Living Well on Yonge Street and always was thinking or doing something I was interested in. One day we sat and stared at the cover photo of Tommy Lee on Rolling Stone naked except for a very long tie...and we were hooked...with each other. I almost don't know anyone who had as many interests in common as me. We loved talking about astrology, movies, celebrities, metaphysics, philosophy, design, architecture, nature, life, and we both were nuts about clothes and home decor and second hand shoppng. He was a GOD at second hand shopping. He also loved all kinds of music...just like me. Not just punk or rock or pop but the whole history of music. We used to spend entire days with Much Music on watching videos and examining how they were made and drinking coffee ordering take out and seeing who would change the cat litter first.( I always did). Chris was one of the few people I hung out with in Toronto who was a little bit "west coast" and he was very involved with anything metaphysical and occult and spiritual.  I used to just melt into his big brown eyes and he approached every topic as if it was profound and fascinating. We were room mates too. We lived together at a sort of strange transitional lonely time for each of us. I was bartending down the street on the east end again and Chris would come and pick me up from work at least a couple nights a week after he finished his serving job in boys town. Next to my husband he's probably the closest I've ever been with a man and shared so much joy for life with...and you know Stagg kind of even looks like him. Stagg met him a few years ago when we were room mates and saw how he is was the sweetest person. He had much loss and grief in his short life but he lived a little like a dirty sexy handsome monk. He really loved people and he really loved to share and talk. He had a gift for giving full complete attention to people. He was stunningly beautiful to loo at and it was always a mystery to me why men weren't constantly fighting over him. He was aloof and connected. He was like a mystic and a sleek greyhound and a comic. God he was funny. You know that unusual smart, ironic, insightful and a little cutting sort of humour but he did it with love. we could giggle for hours. We blared our stereos. Eminem. Madonna. Christina. Mary J. We both had an annoying habit of playing a song we liked over and over and over and we usually wanted to hear the same song. Which is handy when you're roomies. I koved into his house which he had decorated with years of his collections. It was a stunning place with mid-century furniture, 12 foot high mirrors, silver lamps, wood, chrome, and painted warm rich colours. He was beyond hip he was so tuned into culture and style. He was the total epitome of urban. He seemed to own the city and make full use of all its facilities and places to hang out. The combination of a deep emotional man, spiritually open-minded and urban was irresisitable to me. Chris found his path and his gift and he was able to work at it in the last few years. He became a life coach...which was his calling. He's really one of the most fabulous wonderful people I've ever known and for a now-heartbreakingly short time we loved each other to bits I am happy to say. We loved each other in ways that hurt but also healed. I wish I could do it all over again wiser more loving and more fun. He was a living angel. His love for beauty in the world also manifested in his capacity for love, compassion and forgiveness. For Chris the beauty in the world was directly connected to the beauty in the heart. I am turning up the stereo for you Chris and I hope there are second hand stores in heaven, and St Peter at the pearly gates is gay and hot, and there are lots of pints of beer, and you can redecorate the joint.