A Pendulum Swing

Life has been a bit strange for the last few months...and the weird part is...I can't really talk about it. Everything is great...but we have had to do a lot of paperwork since getting married. The thing is...if there was a ever a person who was terrible at bureaucracy...it's me. Only there is another person too. Stagg is also terrible at the grind of performing for bureaucracy. He hasn't felt really stressed out by it...But two people who aren't into "the man" or paperwork or paying attention to "labels"...it makes for a massive inertia of sorts ha ha.

And for the months of January and a little into February...I did feel stressed out. Like I say...I can't get into all the details. But an example...I went to the doctors. I've never had to pay for a doctor before. It is a medical exam regarding all the paperwork. And for some reason...the idea of it being for government, and paying for it...I got really nervous. I got tested for TB and AIDS and stuff. It turned out to be actually a kind of fun event. Stagg went with me for the first visit...and the doctors were really nice and such. It turned out...get this...feeling kid of romantic! We also had to put together paperwork documenting a "proof of courtship". Stagg and I wrote some love letters with some pretty racy things in them before we got married. Face it, we had a long distance relationship for years. Can you say talk dirty? And...we need to add some of them to our paperwork! When I told Stagg this, I thought he would get freaked out. Instead, he was like..."I'll read them to the whole world!"

Easy trigger.

Okay dirty boy.

:)

So some of the process has been fun. Like we compiled pictures of Mister Anchovy and Tuffy P and us driving to Nashville and Memphis in 2005.

But I didn't sleep well in January...and felt always restless...and worried...how was all this goig to turn out.

Anyways...by March I think I just wore myself out worrying about "are we gonna live in Canada" versus "are we gonna live in U.S." Whats going to happen. I've always been such a strong independent person who makes decisions based on what I feel...not on what others want me to do...that I think this must have really touched a nerve with me....

But by March I felt this load come off my shoulders like...hey the voice of Doris Day in Hitchcocks movie The Man Who Knew Too Much trickled in "que sera sera"...

It's like I moved from paranoia into acceptance in March and April...and things have just kind of puttered along. I'm sleeping and feel a sense of peace. Like we are in "win/win" situation. We have no idea how we are going to finish paying our legal processes or what the outcome is going to be....but Stagg seems so cool about it all and I am just glad that we as of this week...have all the paperwork done!

And for two slackers when it comes to paperwork...this feels like a major accomplishment.

And the best thing is, I need to thank friends who have been really cool about all this. And my daughter. This has been a strange time for our whole family. Total support for getting married, and family and friends patient while we are in this process. I am so grateful for my friends in Chicago who just stayed kind of cool during this. My neighbour Jessica has beena godsend as has my pal Andy who went to Art Group with me for volunteer work. Working has been amazing too because it feels so rewarding and to give my time to Chicago and meet so many amazing artists who live outside or challenging situations has really been inspiring. The volunteer work just immediately takes me out of my ego. It puts the whole world in perspective of priorities. I am sure that the love of my blog friends, family and friends and this volunteer work are much more healing than I even realize at this time.

Friends give each other the benefit of the doubt. They count to ten when we do something stupid...or they believe we will figure out how "to do the right thing".

And friends are there even when we can't always talk about everything we are going through...it's like they have an intuition and give it time without jumping to conclusions. Friends are a refuge among all the doubts of life. (and bureaucracy)

:)


I am so glad for the people who visit here at this blog, for my daughters support while I ran off and moved away from her town, and for friends, and my family. Last night Martina called me from Toronto because Quentin Tarantino was on American Idol. She knows how much I love him...and although I was recording the show...it was great to hear from her and have someone know what you dig. Just from a pop culture event, even! And it just made me think of all the people who are so patient with Stagg and I while we are wondering if we are in limbo...and not really able to talk about it much.

Thanks and I love you all!