Sunday, September 14, 2008

Bra Shopping And Other Blood Clot Clusterfucks

This post is dedicated to Gardenia, Wandering Coyote, Red and Canuck Hockey Girl who have shared the pain. Also, most of you all know Stagg and I never seem to do things the "normal" or "easy" way. When we aren't putting our foots in our mouths or missing planes we are at the whim of Murphy's Law. Or FUBAR. Heh heh. Sometimes we wonder how we ever get anything done and the only thing worse than being at the mercy of a confederacy of when you feel like one of the dunces.

The clerk at Sears forgot to remove the security tag from my new bras. Apparently using a hammer on a porcelain sink to remove tag not only cracks said sink beyond repair it sends red ink all over the place.

I've got the sales receipts. I could have gone to the store and got tags removed by the retail staff. But. I had just spent a grueling Friday evening trying on bras in flourescent lighting (enough said) and I had to hurry to meet an appointment for some clothing fitting. This visit with a seamstress was exactly WHY I had to buy a special new bra and needed it for use NOW. I already was feeling excited and nervous and strained for time. So not making the extra trip to the department store and instead trying to McGyver the tag off domestically seemed like a pragmatic decision. I had also had a very rigid two weeks of actually writing down every blood clot calorie I had eaten all day long in order to get my previous-to -living-with-a-boy waistline returned. So I was feeling the effects of my own self-tyranny and I expect my judgement was compromised. Heh heh. Faint with hunger, Yeah right.


Anyways. Being a firm believer in "lila"...I decided to cancel the costume fittings and besides...I still haven't figured out a way to get this red ink off my arms, neck and hands. I didn't feel like trying to explain to either the Sears staff or the seamstress how I didn't steal a bra but was just the poor sod who hears the universe saying "not today!"


mister anchovy said...

I wish I was a fly on the wall to see the look on your faces when the sink cracked and the dye spewed. Har!

Anonymous said...

You poor dear, but for future reference I do recall seeing on-line instructions on how to get those ink traps off your property. Google it and see.

Wandering Coyote said...

OK. One day I go into Reitman's to get a pair of dress pants for a job interview. I find a pair, pay, etc. The next day, as I am dressing for the job interview, I notice that the security tag is still on the pants and it's in a place that would be noticable in a job interview. So, I hike on down to Reitman's (this was when I was living in Ottawa) with my pants in the bag and the receipt in hand and tell the clerk the story. She doubts me even though I have the receipt. I tell her I don't have time for this, I have to get on a bus to get to my job interview. She inspects the receipt again and, satisfied, takes off the tag. I ask her if I can change into the pants in the changeroom. She gets huffy, and I basically bustle my way in anyways and get dressed and leave - on time - for my job interview.


Candy Minx said...

Mister Anchovy, I assure you, you could see the blood drain from my face and the wheels ticking in my head.

L.M. It was kind of like an engine just started. I didn't think and I didn't stop. Surely this tag would come off, I can do anything. Of course I should have gone online. Doh-smack to head.

Wandering Coyote...I knew you would have a relatable anecdote. Even on the internet I can see my peeps. You know, just as the clerk was ringing up our sales...the entire building ran out of a power. Total blackout, then power came back on. It was a spooky feeling and the whole staff all got freaked out and didn't really recover. We had to try several tills till one worked. It isn't like me to not watch the register and the way the clerk handles a closing. I've worked in retail lots of times. In fact, we were spaced out but bantering...and I just had a million other things on my mind. It's been like that for about two months. Totally preoccupied.

I realize now...I can't return the bra. I will totally look like I nicked it.

Sheesh is right!

Wandering Coyote said...

I still think the best bra I ever bought was the $11 Hanes Her Way one I got from Colville WA Wally World - and I don't recall there being a security tag on it.

Gardenia said...

Don't know if my comment posted - will wait a day & look again...

essentially I said that these security devices are from Satan. That said and not elaborated on as in previous comment, I will say - splash on a few more colors. Then paint your self and do a pole dance for Stagg. Redeem the bit of hell thrown at a visit to the stars. :)

Once, I got into one of those moods and painted "H" and I to look like zebras. It was one lot of fun, until the next morning I went to make the bed and saw my linens with black paint smudges all over them. But they are a fond momento now.

Candy Minx said...

Wandering Coyote, isn't it awesome when you find a great piece of clo=thing r shoe. I once had a black dress that I got at the Eaton Centre on Yonge Street half price and the cut, bias, style and fabric were so amazing. I wore that dress for so many occassions...for ten years! And...yo know, your description of the day you went for a job interview I have to tell you something. Almost without failure...EVERYTHING I do to be "responsible" or practical...any "grown up" activity of mine always has an unravelling just like that. Challneges snafu after snafu. It's the story of my life...and I just have to try to laugh. It's why I so easily understand "lila". Khirshna is a prankster!

Gardenia, I am pulling out my seven veils right now! You're oso smart. I totally can paint the bra and get ont he high heels and Stagg won't know what hit him when he walks in the door. Gee, there is a reason that man loves you so much heh heh!

You go Gardenia!!!!

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